Verdict
Summary
Look, I’ve got better things to do with my time than spending 90 minutes watching Swedish Boarding School Girls, but I watched it to completion and I have to admit that it’s trash, but it’s a kind of trash that I can sort of get on board with because I’m a proud straight male, and while it was boring at times, I have to say that there’s a sweet charm to it, from start to finish, that you simply cannot find in movies today. There’s no meat on the bones here. It’s basically like watching one of those old Playboy or Penthouse videos that had no stories, just set-ups and situations, giving viewers an excuse to watch gorgeous women in the nude spread their legs or do jumping jacks. It’s nice to look at but there’s zero sustenance beyond that.
Plot:
Beautiful girls get up to mischief while in boarding school.
Review:
Hey, who needs a plot when you’ve got six beautiful young women getting up to mischief in an idyllic boarding school somewhere in Sweden? The girls (five blondes and a brunette) are mostly indistinguishable from each other, but one of them narrates their day-to-day routines, reading from her diary, while the others just inhabit their lives in a carefree, no worries at all fashion. These girls are pretty gorgeous, all of them. French porn starlet Brigitte Lahaie, who made a crack at trying to star or appear in some legit non-porn films in the late ’70s and early-to-mid ’80s, is one of the six girls here, and if you know who she is and are a fan then you’ll be overjoyed to know she’s in this. She, like all the other girls in the film, spends a great deal of time running around naked (literally), sometimes in slow motion, because this is the kind of movie where naked beauties run around and jump in slow motion. The characters go to class and learn about sex, have P.E. outside, go skinny-dipping, ride bicycles in the nude – sometimes with dildo devices strapped below their seats, which is something they learned how to do in shop class – perform in the end-of-the-year talent show, which mostly consists of them dancing naked in front of their classmates and male instructors, and have sex with the plumbers or male voyeurs who enjoy spying on them on a day-to-day basis. That’s this movie, in a nutshell.
Look, I’ve got better things to do with my time than spending 90 minutes watching Swedish Boarding School Girls, but I watched it to completion and I have to admit that it’s trash, but it’s a kind of trash that I can sort of get on board with because I’m a proud straight male, and while it was boring at times, I have to say that there’s a sweet charm to it, from start to finish, that you simply cannot find in movies today. Is it pornography? Yes, sort of, but it’s all done in a very playful, genteel fashion, and I’d hesitate to call it hardcore because there’s never any penetration. I’d say the audience for this is horny teenagers (particularly of its era) and bored old men, but has the time passed for it? Is there any merit to it in 2024? Well, that depends on who’s interested. I was interested enough to request a screener of it, and while I’ll give it a passing rating, the rating is mostly irrelevant. There’s no meat on the bones here. It’s basically like watching one of those old Playboy or Penthouse videos that had no stories, just set-ups and situations, giving viewers an excuse to watch gorgeous women in the nude spread their legs or do jumping jacks. It’s nice to look at but there’s zero sustenance beyond that. If it had some kind of a goofball plot to save the school from real estate developers or some conflict, I’d greatly prefer it and might even watch it again someday. As it is, it’s just cotton candy. From filmmaker Erwin C. Dietrich.
Full Moon’s Blu-ray release of Swedish Boarding School Girls looks and sounds nice in a crisp widescreen digital transfer, but it only comes in an English dubbed version and with the trailer.
