Verdict
Summary
What I find interesting is that it basically copies the mainstream movie Cocaine Bear, which was apparently inspired by a true story, which essentially means that Cocaine Werewolf was also inspired by a true story. That’s really, really weird when you think about it.
Plot:
A werewolf addicted to cocaine goes on a rampage.
Review:
Somewhere in the woodsy areas of Pennsylvania, a drug deal goes bad and a briefcase full of cocaine is left behind. A guy named Jack (Brice Kennedy) is a werewolf, and he’s addicted to the stuff, and every time he needs to take the edge off, he takes a good snort, which aggravates his condition. We see his heart pumping like it’s a racecar engine, fused with the coke, and his werewolf visage looks like a Spirit Halloween version of what Rawhead Rex might look like to someone who saw the movie once but can’t remember exactly how the design goes. The jaw sort of moves a little bit, but the eyes never blink, and the creature has a huge head, big claws glued onto huge mitts, and he’s got big foot boots too. In no way does this thing look like a werewolf, but whatever. When he’s high, he goes on a rampage! He’s the Cocaine Werewolf! Meanwhile, there’s a low budget horror movie about a killer in a clown mask shooting in the frigid woodsy environs with a cast of three and a crew of two. The writer / director constantly complains that he can’t get his two female cast members to get frisky on camera because “it’s not in the script.” But there’s an extended (and painfully unnecessary) nude shower scene that adds absolutely nothing to the film. It’s like when you make an extra sandwich and end up throwing it away because you thought you were hungrier than you were. You wasted it, and that’s how I feel about the nude scene in the movie; I felt bad for the actress who had to do it. Anyway, the Cocaine Werewolf goes after the saps making a low budget horror movie, but at least there’s a few jokes that felt real like when the director says something like, “What? You think we actually make money doing this?” That was the only line in the whole movie that made me smile.
From prolific junk filmmaker Mark Polonia who’s supposedly made something like a hundred of these types of bad movies, Cocaine Werewolf is my first – and likely last – try at watching one of his movies. Who watches these? Seriously, does he have a fan following? Are there Mark Polonia Facebook fan groups or something? What I find interesting is that it basically copies the mainstream movie Cocaine Bear, which was apparently inspired by a true story, which essentially means that Cocaine Werewolf was also inspired by a true story. That’s really, really weird when you think about it.
Cleopatra just released a Blu-ray and a DVD for Cocaine Werewolf, and it comes with Polonia’s commentary (which might be of interest to all those fans), the trailer, and an image slideshow. It might’ve been cool for the soundtrack CD to also be included because the one good thing about the movie was that it had a bunch of cool goth rock songs that sounded new to me.
