Verdict
Summary
The film exists purely and solely to feature gorgeous girls with and without their bikinis in the halcyon days of Playboy, Penthouse, and cherry red Corvettes, and while it feels like a time capsule now, it’s refreshingly bubbly and dumb, but it’s like those sexy posters I used to buy at the drug stores, the ones with silicone-boobed blondes straddling motorcycles or Lamborghinis. There are virtually zero redeeming qualities about this stuff, but who cares?
The Bikini Carwash Company (1992) Plot:
A country bumpkin comes to L.A. to help his uncle revive his carwash … with babes!
Review:
Jack (Joe Dusic, a one-time only actor) is a hayseed college student from Iowa who comes down to Los Angeles at the behest of his allergy-ridden uncle, who is apparently allergic to soap and bubbles after years of trying to keep his beachside carwash afloat. Jack’s bus breaks down by the beach, and he wanders around until he makes nice with a squad of beach bums who seem to live and breathe (and engage in near-constant coitus) around a sand shack and surfboard rental hut. Jack seems virginal (but that will soon pass), which is a turn-on for Melissa (Kristi Ducati), the vixen leader of the bikini-clad squad, and she cons him out of five bucks and then points him in the direction of his uncle’s carwash down the road. Later on, Melissa and her pals (they all seem like they belong in one of those ever present Playboy cassettes from the 80s and 90s, or a Motley Crue music video) pull up in their Nissan sand rouster and ask for a free carwash, which Jack is only too happy to provide. Melissa and her crew have a plan: They want to raise cash, and they can also see that Jack’s carwash needs a boost, so they all pitch in and drop their tops (and their bottoms too), basically becoming the first strip carwash company on the beach! Instant success! But where’s the conflict? Well … there’s a creepy flasher lurking around (he’s pretty harmless and gets tackled eventually), and there’s also a couple of cops who want to shut the place down for indecency, but trust me – The Bikini Carwash Company is here to stay!
Full disclaimer: When I was a teenager, this movie was first released, and I desperately wanted to see it. I vividly remember it played on constant rotation on the Pay-Per-View channel (which was new at the time), and I was too afraid to rent it for fear of being discovered by my parents, and so I watched the entire movie in its blocked, squiggly lined format, which was the most annoying but titillating tease for a teen such as me! And I watched it that way more than once! Thinking back on the fact that I managed to get through 80+ minutes of forbidden content that way makes me laugh, and while the movie is truly a horribly directed, scripted, and directed piece of pretty harmless junk, it brought a little smile to my face watching it for this review. The film exists purely and solely to feature gorgeous girls with and without their bikinis in the halcyon days of Playboy, Penthouse, and cherry red Corvettes, and while it feels like a time capsule now, it’s refreshingly bubbly and dumb, but it’s like those sexy posters I used to buy at the drug stores, the ones with silicone-boobed blondes straddling motorcycles or Lamborghinis. There are virtually zero redeeming qualities about this stuff, but who cares? At least you don’t have to watch it behind a squiggly maze of static like I did!
MVD Rewind has just released a double feature of the two Bikini Carwash Company movies, and they’re presented in full-frame, but slightly upgraded to HD versions. The first film is disappointingly the “R”-rated version (I have the Unrated VHS tape), but the second film is the Unrated version. Both films are also offered here in standard definition for all you VHS enthusiasts, and there’s an audio commentary on the first film with Jim Wynorski who has a small role in the first movie as well as having directed a lot of the strip / sex scenes. I listened to the whole commentary, if you can believe that! There’s also a mini-poster.
PS: I don’t think it’s necessary to watch Part II for this review, so I’ll just leave it at that.
